Picture this: You’re in a team meeting, and you can sense that something’s off. You’ve just explained a new project, but the room is silent. You ask, “Any questions?”. And … crickets.

Later, you discover that many team members were confused but didn’t speak up. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone.

In fact, over my 15+ years managing amazing people, it happened more often than I would like to admit.

Even worse, I’ve seen many of them take a convoluted journey to avoid saying, “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand this”.

Inevitably, when you ask them why they didn’t make it clear sooner, they will answer something like, “I didn’t want to appear stupid”.

What I’ve learned is that, as a manager, this is a red flag. Not on the individual, but on the fact that you haven’t made it clear that to grow, and for your team/company to succeed, everyone should be free to ask the most stupid question if they need to.

If something is not clear, it’s not the individual fault. The delivery of the message may not be clear enough.

This blog post is for every manager who’s ever wondered why their team hesitates to ask questions and what can be done to change that culture, as well as a team member who needs the courage to speak up.

The Science Behind the Fear of Looking Stupid

What is it that makes us “fear to feel stupid”. In fact, even when the team culture encourages people to speak up and ask questions, you’ll find that some individuals still need to be more comfortable with this exercise.

As you can imagine, this is actually a well-researched part of the human psychology and, strangely enough, physiology.

1. Social Psychology and Group Dynamics: The fear of looking stupid in a group setting isn’t just a personal quirk; it’s deeply rooted in social psychology. Solomon Asch’s conformity experiments in the 1950s demonstrated how powerful the need to conform can be. This phenomenon is known as “conformity pressure” and it can make individuals reluctant to ask questions that might set them apart from the group.

2. Cognitive Biases: Our brains are wired with cognitive biases that influence our behaviour, often without realising it. One such bias is the “Spotlight Effect,” which makes us believe we’re being noticed more than we actually are.

3. Imposter Syndrome: This term was first coined by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. They found that high-achieving individuals often doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a “fraud.” This syndrome can make team members hesitant to ask questions, as they may feel that doing so would expose their perceived inadequacies.

4. The Need to Belong: Evolutionarily wired to prioritise social connections, our brains associate the perceived risk of looking foolish with tangible threats. Historically, exclusion from our tribe could mean the difference between life and death.

5. Physical pain: Social ridicule or embarrassment triggers the same areas in our brain as physical pain. So, the fear of looking stupid isn’t just psychological. It’s biological.

What have we learned

So far, the deck is stacked against us. We seem to be wired to not make waves, to run away from the embarrassment of ‘not knowing’.

Let’s now explore how we can change this, both at a personal level as well as a team culture level.

5 Top Tips for Team Members

There’s so much a team culture can do before you, as a person, will have to still make the effort. These tips will be more powerful if you work in a team that embraces the “speaking up culture”. But before you dismiss your team as incompatible, give them a shot.

• Embrace your inner voice: Nobody knows everything. You, me, your boss, and certainly not your coworker, who seems to have all the answers. And guess what? That’s perfectly OK! It’s how we grow.

• Do your homework: Before your next meeting or one-on-one, write down what’s puzzling you. You should even rehearse it a bit. You’ll walk in feeling more confident and ready to engage.

• Timing is Everything: Only some questions need an audience. If you’re worried about asking something in front of the whole team, find a moment to pull someone aside later.

• Find Your Question Buddy: Find someone you’re comfortable with on your team and make a pact to back each other up in meetings. There’s strength in numbers.

• Understand that it’s OK to be the ‘stupidest’ in the room: In fact, sometimes it’s the best position to be in. By asking questions, answers will benefit everyone in the room. If it’s good enough for Simon Sinek, it’s good enough for me.

10 Top Tips for Managers

Right now, onto the exciting part. How you, as a manager can foster a culture that makes people feel confident in asking questions.

1. Lead by Example: If you have to do one thing, it would be this one. Next time you’re in a meeting, be the first to say, “I don’t know. Can someone explain that to me?” You’ll be amazed at how this simple act can open doors. Force yourself to ask questions, even if you know you can find the answers by yourself.

2. Create a Safe Space: Remember that time you asked a question and got shot down? Yeah, nobody wants to feel that way. Make it clear that your team’s meetings are a judgment-free zone.

3. Encourage Open Dialogue: Take your time with agenda items in meetings. Pause and ask, “Does anyone have questions or thoughts they’d like to share?” And then—this is crucial—wait.

4. No Such Thing as a Stupid Question: You’ve heard it a million times, but it bears repeating. Make this your team’s mantra.

5. Anonymous Channels: Some questions can be sensitive. Create an anonymous channel where team members can ask questions without fear of judgment.

6. Reward Curiosity: Remember that team member who asked a great question in the last meeting? Could you give them a shout-out?

7. Be Approachable: Have you ever had a boss who seemed too busy or substantial to talk to? Don’t be that person.

8. Train Managers: If you’re a manager of managers, this one’s especially for you. Make sure your leadership team is trained in fostering an open culture.

9. Regular Check-ins: Do not underestimate the power of a one-on-one. These private conversations can be the perfect setting for questions that team members might hesitate to ask in public.

10. Feedback Loop: Last but not least, always follow up. If someone asks a question, ensure it gets answered—even if you have to look up the answer yourself.

The last and most important point

More often than not, questions arise when something is not clear.

So when questions are asked, make a note of them. And when different people ask the same question multiple times, you know that you have something to improve on.

Document, train, and change delivery style. Try a different approach, but if something is unclear enough that multiple people question it, you have something to improve on.

Remember, not everyone will have the courage to speak up, so you only hear from the tip of the iceberg.